good morning
Oh my fucking god i cant believe i’m up at 3 in the freakin morning again this is like that one time when i was itching for a cure on crystals… i’m so fuckin tired but i feel so god damn cracked out that i’m surprised i feel like myself at all… i stopped biting my nails so now the keys make a funky lil clicky noise when i type its pretty funny actually. Anyways life is fuckin brilliant… i’m with Todd so i guess that’s good, we’re working out slowly in modern terms it means i’m moving up on his top myspace friends which for me for now is good enough. The weather is like living in a fuckin desert i swear i hate how hot it is the funny thing about the summer time is you can always put tons of freakin clothes on in the winter and then in the summer no matter how much shit you take off it doesn’t really matter cuz somehow you’re still burning up. Now for other things, there is my best friend marina who’s totally fucking up her life and owns me a shit load of money but i dont even wanna bother her with that because i suck at confrontations and i avoid them as much as humanly possible on the other hand iwant my fuckin money because it’s driving me crazy not being able to buy shit and then she goes on dictating me on how it’s out money and how i owe her something. The only thing i owe her is a huge punch in the face i’m not gonna lie that bitch drives me out of my fucking mind. Then there’s grant who’s officially turned into my best friend, we tell each other everything, it’s nice having someone i can talk to and know that at the end of the day he’s just as fucked up as i am and just as lonely in his own head so we help each other out a lot with the whole secret telling and being friends part except sometimes it gets kinda weird cuz i think one of us gets kinda idk how to say it confused i guess n then i have to remember that we’re just friends. I wish Todd would talk to me more. It’s like i bust out like a million words per day and he busts out maybe 50 at the most around me. I heard Inna had enough personality for the both of them well who the fuck wants someone with no personality, i know he has it idk why he doesn’t show it. What happened to him that make him close everything off so bad.
There’s this thing with fear. People who have it. What is fear? Being afraid of something. What is being afraid? I have no words for fear. it’s that tingly feeling you get when someone’s watching you or you feel like someone’s watching you or going to grab you or kill you even though you know there’s really nothing there and nothing really matters. And even if you did die you’ know that it would be because you free fell fearlessly into the unknown and let the world take you down with not only a fight but a war. i would never decide to live on my knee’s yes i am one of those people who will bow down when i dont feel like handling crap but that’s usually only around my parents and that’s because there’s really no winning with them. But to fall freely that would be amazing. Just let go and fall into the sky. wonders…
caner. it’s like a caner spreading through my body. a tumor they cant stop. you’re love haunting me haunting my bedroom walls and lingering in my presence constantly just eating away at my soul i love you body and soul you are my life you are my death. you are apart of me the air i breathe the life i live. I’m all yours.
